i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize