ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
