Need sex. Gaining weight.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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