Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
