I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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