My friends, they love my intelligence
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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