I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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