It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
