You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
