i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
