if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
