so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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