she looked like the before picture.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
