Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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