If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
