I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
