Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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