You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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