im six kinds of drunk right now
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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