The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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