Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
