guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
