My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
