i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize