hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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