My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
