Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
