It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
