just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
