dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
