Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
