we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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