to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
