I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
