Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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