I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
