Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I believe in your delicious
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
