I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
