I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
