Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
