I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I wish you could order shots online.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
