Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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