By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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