Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
