i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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