The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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