ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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