i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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