The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
