I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
