My friends, they love my intelligence
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
we're making bets on your personal life
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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