Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My dick has a subreddit
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize