apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
