she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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