I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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