WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
