i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
