Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
