I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
