I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
