It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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