And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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