hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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