She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
