Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
