Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
