my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize