i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
