I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
