Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
