smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I need water and some morals
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
