don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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