I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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