I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize