I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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