I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It's blow job season.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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