I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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