didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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